Feeling Faint + Weekend Update

Today is the first day that I’ve truly felt awful with this whole ‘not eating during the day‘ thing. And I still have no regrets…but tell you what, it’s making this Monday hard. I’ve already done one round on the elliptical (burning roughly 100 calories) but my goal was to start doing it twice a day this week. Tell you what though, that is definitely not happening when I feel like this. I already cannot wait to eat, which is no surprise because we all know I’ve been ready to eat since I woke up.

And now for the weekend update!

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Thankful

I’ve burned a lot of bridges in my life, most of them on purpose. For the larger part of my adult life I haven’t been interested in forced friendships, friendships where one person cares more then the other, or friendships that just innately make me feel less then or sad.

So, there’s been a lot of fires, and as I’ve grown I’ve looked back and thought “wow, I could’ve handled that better”, and I’ve learned. I had 2 tight friends forever, and now neither are in my life. One was by my choice and one was by hers, and getting nearer to my wedding I’ve been reaffirmed over and over again that I don’t regret not having them here. So many times when something sucky happens it really does open the door for something else. It sounds sooooo cheesy, but dang if it isn’t true.

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A bet has been made!

Yall. Its about to go down.

December 1st I made a bet with my mom that I’d lose 55 pounds by August. That’s 243 days to lose it all (as of the start of the bet). Is it a lot of weight to lose? HECK YES.

But you know what, I’m determined. Here’s the thoughts behind it/details:

I need to order my wedding dress by August. I’m going the online route at a trusted Etsy shop and they can make it in 6 weeks with shipping taking 5 days or so. However, its me and I would much rather send in my measurements in July, so that’s the real end date. But talk about motivation, nothing screams LOSE THAT WEIGHT quite like having to measure yourself for your wedding dress. Add on to that how the engagement pictures went…well let’s just say I’m motivated.

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Crazy People (and dealing with their poo!)

Y’all. I won’t go into the situation that’s happening right now, because its Crazy Town, and although I’m on the train there, you don’t have to be!

(If you’d like to read more of my feelings about this predicament, I write about it here)

The short version is, sometimes crazy people spread their crazy around. And yesterday it landed on me, and dangit if I’m not still thinking about the stupidness that was said to me! And I know I shouldn’t let the crazy get to me, but I still found myself thinking about it late last night, but I came up with an analogy that is really helping me to stop having the circular thinking that has plagued me my whole life. We’re talking middle school and someone says something mean to me, and I can’t stop thinking about it for days. Some people can just let that go, but I can’t (but I wish I could!).

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Loving Myself

Today I’m reminding myself that even if I didn’t lose any weight this week (which I didn’t), that…that isn’t all that matters. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

You are not your weight.

I know that weight is what my blog is semi centered around. But today I was watching an old video with Mama Cass and John Denver with my dad, of a song that I love and sing often, and was just stricken by the beauty that is their voices together. And it hit me: Mama Cass is big, but that’s not who she is. She is her beautiful voice, she is part of the Mama and the Papas. She is a voice of that generation, and a voice that helped change music. I’m sure to her family and friends she is so much more.

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Back for a non-emo post!

So last time we talked I was crazy bummed about my weight gain.

And I should’ve told yall: YO, last week, I had lost it again. So even though I’m proud of losing a few pounds, maybe its not that big of a deal either way. I’m gonna go with…its something to be celebrated when it happens on purpose, a happy accident when it happens on…accident, and if you gain it, well, give it a few days of good eating and a few more trips up and down the stairs and you’ll probably be good.

And lets be real, it also super helps that I’m a tater tot. So a few pounds for us bigger people is easier to take off then say, CrossFit Tina over there whose killin it with the 100% muscle and 0% mac n cheese.

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