Y’all. I’m moving in with my fiancé in October. And I’m SO ready! But part of me is also so…
Although I stay at my fiancé’s house on the weekends, I love that I see my parents and my kitties for a good chunk of the week. They are a part of my heart made whole, and even though I won’t be that far away, it still tugs on my heart is the realest way. I’ve travelled, I’ve been continents away, but never for more then 6 weeks. And somehow far away was easier, because it wasn’t my choice not to come home every day. But now it’s my choice, me choosing to go with my Love and not go home.
Choosing to make home a different place.
It’s tearing me up inside.
Matt is my very best friend, and he IS my heart. And my parents are my pack, my tight-knit group, my Ohana.
And then there’s my brain, telling me that moving in is what I’ve wanted for so long, to take another step toward independence, to see Matt all the time. I should be happy. Not randomly deeply depressed I just keep telling myself that you’re allowed to feel more than one super strong emotion at one time, that its normal and okay. But I just keep getting overwhelmed by the idea of not comforting my cat when its raining, and not sitting on the porch with my parents talking about work that day, or hearing something funny my dad heard on Pandora’s comedy station.
I know its going to be okay, because as a rule of thumb it generally always will be in some way or another. But that doesn’t stop my heart from feeling this pain, and that’s where I’m randomly at. Most of the time I’m happy and excited about moving, taking a major adult step and getting to see the love of my life every day is a dream come true (for realsies).
Thanks for listening and reading random readers. I hope this helps explain some of the radio silence coming from me lately. It was good to get this off my chest. I’ll leave you with 2 songs that have been on my heart lately, about leaving and the comforts of home.
Miranda Lambert’s ‘The House That Built Me‘ has always reminded me of the house I grew up in, which was also the house that my mom grew up in and later bought from her parents. That’s always going to be home.
Tim McGraw’s ‘Meanwhile Back At Mamas‘ is one of the songs that my heart knows the lyrics to, that I sing to myself and think about the different places I’ve called home if only for a short time, how it feels going back to my parent’s house after a long trip, and the feeling that I hope my children feel for my house one day.
It’s probably king of weird leaving you with songs. But I know right now, that’s whats in my heart. I hope you understand, and I hope you don’t mind too much that they’re both country songs 😉
*you should probably know that I’m an only child and am SUPER close with my parents