I’ve burned a lot of bridges in my life, most of them on purpose. For the larger part of my adult life I haven’t been interested in forced friendships, friendships where one person cares more then the other, or friendships that just innately make me feel less then or sad.
So, there’s been a lot of fires, and as I’ve grown I’ve looked back and thought “wow, I could’ve handled that better”, and I’ve learned. I had 2 tight friends forever, and now neither are in my life. One was by my choice and one was by hers, and getting nearer to my wedding I’ve been reaffirmed over and over again that I don’t regret not having them here. So many times when something sucky happens it really does open the door for something else. It sounds sooooo cheesy, but dang if it isn’t true.
When thinking of the women I wanted up next to me at my wedding, the choice was easy. I have no regret that it isn’t the girls I’ve known since 7th grade, but instead my friends who have and always will be there with no stress. No stress that I haven’t seen Cristen in literal years. No stress that Panda and I don’t talk like we used to.
There’s this quote:
That I swear I definitely put on my Xanga when I was 15 and was like YEAH SON THATS HELLA TRUE
and you know, it is. It’s corny as hell, but it is true.
I’m so thankful for my friends, because there’s no in-between, no wondering if we’re cool or if someone’s mad or whatever. They’re there if I need them, I’m here if they need me, we send each other random internet stuff and I love it.
Do I wish we talked more? Yeah. But that’s super hard when you’re not in someone’s life and I give major props to friends who are there for the daily stuff (or even weekly!) when they’re far away, because thats amazing and takes so much dedication and awesomeness. But I also think its ok to admit when you’re not that friend. When you don’t know the names of their friends, or what their grad school classes are like, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them any less.
All this to say, dang I’m thankful for my small circle.