Remember When

Remember when I was young and so were you
And time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when

Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

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A year out from my wedding!

Honestly, I’m not that excited. Deep in my heart I have this huge joy that I’m getting married in a year, because you know, how fun. How cool to be a wife to someone I love most in the world, how cool to celebrate it with friends and family. How cool that I get to be a part of a family that I never even knew was out there, waiting for me to join them. I feel so at home in his family, which is extra great because I’ve always felt so at home in mine.

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Long Time No Talk! +Weight Update+

It’s been ages. Let me catch you up!

A few weeks ago I went on an eating binge at work that semi rolled into my week long vacation, which all ended up in me gaining 3 pounds (have lost 5 before said massive eating binge). And honestly, I’m just happy that I didn’t gain 10 pounds, because that’s legit what I thought I had gained before I checked the scale.

I’ve been back for a week now and am determined to get back on my eating plan.

Also, I’ve definitely figured out that my issue is the NOW.

As in, I WANT FOOD RIGHT NOW AND I WILL KILL SOMEONE IF I DON’T EAT AT THIS VERY MOMENT

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Quiet

There’s all sorts of quiet that you find in your life. There’s the quiet when you sit and eat with someone that you love and you don’t talk, because you don’t need to. That’s a huge one for me, a comfortable quiet. There’s sitting on a rocking chair on a porch over looking the ocean, and that’s a quiet that is soothing and calm, however not truly quiet. There’s the squeaking of the rocking chair (any good rocking chair with personality has some squeaks), the porch creaking and the sound of the waves; if you’re lucky there may even be cicadas in a nearby tree making a ruckus or birds calling over head. If you’re truly blessed you’ll hear the sounds of a familial conversation taking place further down the porch, one where you’re not involved but are welcome to listen.

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What’s fun about planning a wedding?

  1. Randomly thinking about what to say for my vows then instantly having to stop thinking about it so I don’t cry
  2. Thinking about the friends I’m asking to be in my wedding party and realizing just how much I love them and how I can’t wait to see them/ask them/tell them how much they mean to me
  3. Actually planning, I can’t help it, planning out the hall is so fun!
  4. Feeling special. I started planning my day even before I was engaged as a way to procrastinate on graduate school work and although fun, made me feel kind of lame sometimes. It can feel lame when you’re not actually engaged to plan, because vendors and websites are all hyped and you’re over here just being like “I’m just planning, I know he’s going to ask and I like to get a jump on things” and even though that’s valid, it can still leave you feeling like a weirdo. But now I’m engaged and get to be like THAT’S RIGHT I’M THE BRIDE!
  5. The DIY’s. Ohhhh the DIY’s. I want to make everything, and at first so many random people discouraged me, telling me that it would stress me out and I wouldn’t have any time on the day of to actually assemble things, but I’ve found my voice and know what I want, and that’s to DIY to my heart’s content. So that’s what I’m doing! And because I’m proactive and down to DIY, we already have so much for our wedding that’s more than a year away.
  6. Planning things that I know Matt will like. Let’s face it, a lot of small things guys don’t really care about, but I love taking time to make sure that it’s not just my day, that he feels represented and that guests can see that this is about us.
  7. Getting to be creative! After looking through tons of things on Pinterest, I decided to scrap all the normal pretty things and just do what I thought would represent two people coming together, and for us that looks like my love of books and his love of video games being mashed together in the best way possible. So I’m decorating with books and video game controllers and lots of fun things, and it makes my heart so happy.
  8. Getting even closer to Matt. Throughout the wedding planning and slowly realizing what we wanted (a super chill, fun and unique day) we’ve definitely grown closer with having to both compromise and realizing how much we are on the same page with what’s important and what’s not (ie catering. 10k to feed people dinner? Um, hard pass hahaha)
  9. Connecting with our parents. Both sides have been extremely supportive. I’ve loved getting to bounce ideas off of my parents who are just as creative as me, although they don’t always see my crazy “vision”. Connecting with Matt’s mom and seeing how excited she is (and his aunt and sister!) has been so much fun, because I’m so used to just telling my parents things that letting other people into my world and seeing them have just as much as fun has been so great. It’s also nice expanding my circle and knowing without a doubt that day of, I’ve got lots of people to rely on.

 

And right now, that’s it! I feel incredibly lucky to not be stressed out about this wedding, and to have it just be a big fun party. I’ve read enough (and talked ith enough people) to know how stressful it could still potentially get, but right now I’m thankful that it just feels fun and like a great creative outlet.

Moving In Together

Y’all. I’m moving in with my fiancé in October. And I’m SO ready! But part of me is also so…

not.*

Although I stay at my fiancé’s house on the weekends, I love that I see my parents and my kitties for a good chunk of the week. They are a part of my heart made whole, and even though I won’t be that far away, it still tugs on my heart is the realest way. I’ve travelled, I’ve been continents away, but never for more then 6 weeks. And somehow far away was easier, because it wasn’t my choice not to come home every day. But now it’s my choice, me choosing to go with my Love and not go home.

Choosing to make home a different place.

It’s tearing me up inside.

Matt is my very best friend, and he IS my heart. And my parents are my pack, my tight-knit group, my Ohana.

And then there’s my brain, telling me that moving in is what I’ve wanted for so long, to take another step toward independence, to see Matt all the time. I should be happy. Not randomly deeply depressed I just keep telling myself that you’re allowed to feel more than one super strong emotion at one time, that its normal and okay. But I just keep getting overwhelmed by  the idea of not comforting my cat when its raining, and not sitting on the porch with my parents talking about work that day, or hearing something funny my dad heard on Pandora’s comedy station.

I know its going to be okay, because as a rule of thumb it generally always will be in some way or another. But that doesn’t stop my heart from feeling this pain, and that’s where I’m randomly at. Most of the time I’m happy and excited about moving, taking a major adult step and getting to see the love of my life every day is a dream come true (for realsies).

Thanks for listening and reading random readers. I hope this helps explain some of the radio silence coming from me lately. It was good to get this off my chest. I’ll leave you with 2 songs that have been on my heart lately, about leaving and the comforts of home.

Miranda Lambert’s ‘The House That Built Me‘ has always reminded me of the house I grew up in, which was also the house that my mom grew up in and later bought from her parents. That’s always going to be home.

Tim McGraw’s ‘Meanwhile Back At Mamas‘ is one of the songs that my heart knows the lyrics to, that I sing to myself and think about the different places I’ve called home if only for a short time, how it feels going back to my parent’s house after a long trip, and the feeling that I hope my children feel for my house one day.

It’s probably king of weird leaving you with songs. But I know right now, that’s whats in my heart. I hope you understand, and I hope you don’t mind too much that they’re both country songs  😉

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*you should probably know that I’m an only child and am SUPER close with my parents

Weight Update (Week 3)

Hey everyone, this is a day late but I wanted to update on my weight (taken yesterday). I lost 2 pounds last week, and in total have lost 5 pounds since starting Intermittent Fasting!

So this is crazy, and of course definitely awesome to see it working!

But for reals…I was not very strict with my eating last weekend, and I expected to step on the scale and have gained weight. I ate breakfast both Saturday and Sunday (and unhealthy at that!), but I did find out that my body is definitely used to not eating a lot. Both days I was not hungry around dinnertime, despite having spent all day Saturday putting together IKEA furniture (I’m talking from 11 to 8pm, walking around IKEA and building the darn things). It was pretty cool to have my fiance tell me he was hungry and for me to not be, cause seriously….that never happens! I mean, I ate some pizza cause tell you what, once I smelled it my stomach was rumbling.

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I’m back!

So, here’s the update:

I did a little bit better over the weekend, but still ended up ravenous every day around 2pm. Not cool.

I’m typically doing well during the days at work! I did just eat a granola bar which totally breaks my fast early, and I’ve gotta tell you…I don’t super care. Hahaha.

I only lost a few ounces this week, which is fair since when I did get super hungry on the weekend I did end up eating a lot earlier, which typically meant actually using my 8 hours to eat, which made it a lot easier to go over my calorie limit.

I’m finally ready to start exercising! But not in a super intense way. I always hate how when you try to start exercising that’s the one fact that everyone remembers about you and feels the need to constantly ask you about. Seriously, I’m walking to the bathroom at work and get stopped to be asked about how my workouts are going because I happened to share that I’m trying to work out.

And I’m just waiting to pee like:

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